My blogging has slowed down as of late as I struggle to find topics I want to share. I’m tired of talking about being sick, and, granted while it’s a pretty major all-consuming thing, it’s a topic about which I am now tired of hearing – even (or perhaps especially) if I’m the one speaking. So, rather than dwelling on the fact that my storytelling well has run a bit dry, I will instead share with you a tidbit that Cas found on reddit for me.
I love the section where he says “Ignore people who simply tell you to “get out there, do stuff.” They’re missing the point entirely, and basically saying you just have to “fix things” in order to fix them, which is useless tautology. While exposure to situations is certainly part of the process, it is merely a setting for the actual resolution here.” I often find myself saying “just stop stressing out? well, if it was that easy, don’t you think I would have pushed the magic ‘stop stressing’ button already?”
I really like his advice and today, as I ran the track (am trying to get back into a regular running regimen after a wet winter), I took note of the trees, their colour, the feel of the track and the blue of the sky. I tried to record the experience as a keepsake memory and as a worthy moment, rather than trying to deconstruct how I felt or wanted to feel and creating yet another disposable run memory. It was oddly freeing and refreshing. I was so focused on the scene and the moment, that I stopped fixating on my black-hearted hate for running and my anxiety for the forthcoming over-booked time-starved day, and simply moved through the scene. I had one of those rare moments where time floats along behind you and I actually startled myself when I realized that I was still running. My feet simply carried me through the park. The moment was broken once I was startled out of my reverie, and my breath once again became laboured; my knees shouted their discontent at having been ignored. But, I remember the run today in a cleaner more vivid way than I have any other event in the past week. Definitely a mental exercise worth repeating.